How is it that you can go about the day not thinking about what life may bring or even about a certain gesture, or clueless wonder. BUt THEN, you place your head on your pillow and your head decides to bombard you with those thoughts you decided not to think about during the day.The thoughts of what is about to happen or what happened that day, or about that certain gesture or clueless wonder; causing you to lose sleep and wake up with a headache craving coffee just so you can share your enthusiasm with the tables you serve...... when the truth is you don't even like coffee, you just like to be awake. (and by you, I mean me. I just thought we could maybe share some mutual experiences)
What caused me to lose sleep last night was the anticipation of what is to come. The question is 'what IS to come'? I really have no clue. My parents are moving to the lake in one month which means I have to find a place to live in less than that. Should I work at camp? Should I do Street Invaders? Cause then I may have to drift until then; which is completely out of my comfort zone. For one I'm a private person who likes my private space; two I like having all my ducks in a row knowing what is to come and how I can plan for it, three I don't like asking people for things. Should I just move to some other city and just stay there until I go to Australia? Also I need to sell my car (anyone want to buy it?? Its beautiful and drives really fast). I need to figure out what to let go of and what to hold on to; half metaphorically half literally speaking.
I know this is God though. I have desired to live by faith for a long time, but never put myself out there to take that step. Now God is pushing me out there leaving me with no choice BUT to trust in Him. This is huge for me. I'm not used to being uncomfortable, and this is very uncomfortable.
For those of you who don't know, I bought a plane ticket to Australia. I have been wanting to do ywam for quite a while with Australia on my heart. I have applied and unapplied and I have questioned applying but still didn't go. So I decided that I would bite the bullet and buy a ticket so there was no chance of backing down. So I leave in September to Townsville Australia. Anyone want to come?? It will be great and life changing.
So on the other hand if anyone feels like taking me in between may 1 and middle of June, I'm all yours! he he.

sacred sanctuary

We live a life truly blessed. God has given us everything that we need. True, we have hurts and scars that leave us empty and alone, and unable to trust. Something stirs in our hearts to grasp something more. We try and shake it, but it remains. We are not what we are called to be.


Our heart aches and we are unsatisfied. The church has failed us, people have failed us.
And we have failed them.


Where is our sanctuary?
Where is our hiding place?

What does the place look like reserved for Christ alone?


I took a look inside my heart, and I realized I did not have much room for Christ. As much as I try being a good person, my heart remains cluttered and unappetizing.


Purification — That is, to cleanse them from all impurities, to perfume, and adorn, and every way prepare them for the king (commentary on the book of Esther)

Esther spent a year in purification in order to be ready for the King. Brides in the old testament were often baptized, before entering a covenant with their new husband.

A book by Lisa Bevere says this:
"She remained in her father's house and made herself ready. If she went out in public, she would wear a veil to signify she already belonged to another. Veiled women were called, set apart, sactified, consecrated, or bought with a price. Her life was tied by a covenant with another. Her beauty was reserved for him."

I was listening to a sermon, and the man was talking about Christ and the Bride. Then he claims that he knows exactly when Christ is coming back!.... (I thought in my head uuuhhh, sorry no you don't!) ...."He's coming back when the bride is ready!"
"And Christ says to God 'Can I go get her now Father?' and God says 'She aint pertty enough yet son, you just have to wait!'"


In the Old Testament the marriage covenant was such a sacred thing; I believe that is why Christ and the bride is paralleled. We must ready ourselves and purify ourselves for Him alone while he prepares a place for us.


Looking at my own life, I realize how much I clutter my sacred sancuatry. I have faithless idols. I see things I shouldn't watch, and I listen to things I shouldn't hear, and I say things I shouldn't say.


God has really been pressing on my heart that whatever is not from Him is darkness. There is no 'in between'. So whenever I let something into my life that is not from Him, even if its a small amount I am letting in darkness.



Where is your heart?

Where should it be?