sunsets and roses

I feel God the most when I am outside, and not just outside but when the outside surrounds me. Every little thing I see I hear God's voice, it is like one big love letter written in beauty.

...I haven't seen a sunset in a long time, and I haven't seen the stars on a clear night with no street lights to dim their brightness, and I haven't seen the nothern lights in what seems forever. I miss walking outside my dormroom and being able to walk into complete blackness with only the moon and stars to brighten my way. Yes you FGBC'ers I miss Eston. I miss the sky especially. I remember when me and Abi would run to a certain spot right after supper just to watch it set, and every day was a different picture, and there were no city buildings to be in the way of the view. My heart skips a beat just thinking about it. I'm deprived right now, but somehow I still hear His voice, and its the sweetest sound I know. I'm praying for another love letter to be written in the sky.

Hidden

What is real? What do you let go of in order to discover something hidden? Do you chase after something even if it doesn't work, or don't and miss something better than you can imagine? Everyday is a new choice and a new discovery. Biggest fear is failure. Lord guide my steps yet catch me if I fall.

The Summer Winds

This morning I wasn't feeling too good, but I decided that I want to go out and take pictures anyway. And it turned out to be very eventful. I went to my faovrite place, the bezborough. I'm trying to break out of my shell by asking people if I can take photo's of them, I had the guts to ask 2 people, the rest I kind of just snuck pictures; I'm not sure if that is legal or not.

Its absolutely beautiful outside and I so bad wanted to capture the smell and feeling of the spring time coming. I really contemplated why I like taking pictures so much. I realized that most of my favorite pictures are tied to a certain emotion or feeling. And today I can't express the joy I was feeling. I met a lady named Ellie while taking pictures, and I thought that was quite cool, cause maybe on many of my photo journeys I can meet many new people.

I was also listening to Michael Buble in my truck and he always makes me smile. Even if none of my pictures turned out I will still be thankful for the great opportunity for a beautiful walk.

Come fly with me, lets fly, lets fly away
-Michael Buble

train tracks

I just happen to live near where all the train transfers happen, so without a doubt almost every night when I make my round home there seems to be a giant train blocking my way. It sends me for a loop because my bed is calling my name and rush is always on the go. The bars always seem to be going down right before I get there, and I think to myself 'if only I left a little bit sooner I would've made it through.'

"Remember me"

And somehow I know that this moment, this pause in time, was planned. I remember Him, and then I recognize my rush to be and do, that I forget what is most important. Now every time I'm stopped at the train tracks I know to remember Him and be thankful for the opportunity.

This also brought another thing to mind. Each person is on a journey of life and we're all heading somewhere. We're trucking along and then all of a sudden, stop... a barrier or block seems to be in our way, and its frustrating and seems almost ridiculous. We want to get where we are going as fast as we can to prove to ourselves and prove to others we can get there, to be great and do great. So maybe after all, the stop is good, maybe it opens our eyes to see that we are weak and we can't be or do without our God. Maybe God just wants us to remember Him. Maybe he wants to remind you that you ARE great, and you aren't just great, you are precious just as you are, and you are loved far more than you know or can comprehend.

So enjoy where you are at and let the God of the universe direct your path.

well... it came today!!!
Here is a picture of me
with my new camera,
so enjoy.

following the path

God has speaking alot to me. I like it. Either that or I'm listening more carefully. I feel more insightful almost like a wise old man who just wishes to listen and take everything in without speaking words. A surreal life I believe I'm living yet so real at the same time. Desires have opened new doors and confidence has pushed me towards them. I am now more aware but at the same time I feel like I've taken a step back on how my 10 year plan will play out. I don't actually have a 10 year plan but I did have an idea of how I would like my life to happen. I am broken yet stronger; bored yet excited.

There is so much I want to write but to write on a public blog would be foolishness. So I'll leave you with a song:

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You
All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

-Marty Sampson; United 2005


***True joy comes from a right relationship with Christ;

the joy of the Lord is our strength

Camera on the way

SOOO! I ordered my camera today, and I am so completely pumped, like I want to get up and dance pumped. I'm going to be broke for a while but that is ok, I know God wants me to have it so ya. HOORAY! I'm just so ansy I want it now. This is a picture! So for those of you who wish to be models for me, please dont hesitate to call and book your appointment now! hehe

Top Ten

This is my top ten list of faovrite songs... for today, it might change tomorrow.

Missy Higgins- All For believing
Augustana- Boston
Goo Goo Dolls- Iris
James Blunt- Tears and Rain
Sno Patrol- Run
Oasis- Wonderwall
Rise Against- Swing Life Away
John Mayer- Daughters
Bethany Dillon- Beautiful
Peter Gabriel- The Book of Love

Don't Forget

Don't forget


Sipping my caffiene, I contemplate life so precisely and intricitely. I don't drink coffee but somehow the moment calls for it. I attempted to make myself a caramel frappacino, but somehow it turned out to be a big foam mess with a bit of flavor, but for now it will do.

I worked today from 7-3 with Audra-May, a girl soon to be married; must I add that shes quite crazy. She asked me to do side wedding pictures for her which I am quite excited for except that I no longer have a camera that works. So in all my hope I am praying and believing that God will bless me with a digital SLR.

*In all honesty I have no idea where this blog is going except that I need to write my thoughts even if they are all over the place. So please bear with me as I slur my thoughts and feelings together into one big giant.... blog*

We have quite a few regulars at work; two of them stick out quite a bit. Len is one. Len comes in the coffee shop and restuarant every day sometimes 4 times a day. He orders a tall mild coffee, and on his tenth drink he gets a free one so he gets a tall mocha. Every now and then he feels a little dangerous and orders a berry smoothie from the restuarant, usually around 8 oclock. Besides what he orders, Len is very unique. He is in his 60's and never been married and never has had children. If you meet him he doesn't come across as one of those kind of men. He his handsome in his age and he has one of the softest hearts I have ever seen. My curiosty is always rising.

My life is changing right now. Im being jolted out of my comfort zone into an area unknown. Its hard saying good-bye. I know that God is holding my hand; no, He is cradling me in His arms like a new born baby; and like a new born baby I don't know the fullness of the love he has for me, all I know is that I feel safe in His arms.

"You are not the only one, who feels like the only one" David Crowder; Come Awake

In my now changing world, in the middle of loss, I somehow have an excitement in my heart to see where God will take me next or later on, I feel His hand stirring my heart. I feel a peace that I know only He can bring, a healing only from his hands.

Sr High was this weekend. It was good and it was bad. I much rather enjoyed seeing everyone again, and the students did an amazing job of putting everything together. I really miss school. I got to see Tommi-Lyn Weppler! it was my highlight, I miss that girl so much, and Tommi if you read this you are seriously magnificent, I still can't believe that you wrote on every page of that book and gave it to me. Thank-you so much for coming down I really needed you.

So thats only a little bit of me and my life, I seriously have a million things running through my mind, alot of them I'd rather not share on the internet, however it is very tempting. Alot I can't put into words, and for those who are close to me right now I think you know what I mean when I speak.

So I think that concludes my blog entry for March 8, 2006. May God bless your dreams and your days to come that you may have wisdom and knowledge and that you may hear the voice of God and obey without hesitation.

Rude Awakening

This past week has been weird for me, but also a rude awakening. Harley was put down friday and my parents left saturday to go see my sister. loneliness can be a strange and horrifying thing. I was afraid to be alone for the first time in my life, not afraid because of someone trying to break in and kill me, but just afraid of loneliness. Even now I have loud music playing to drown out the silence.

In the silenceYou are speaking

In the quiet I can feel the fire

And it's burning, burning deeply

Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

-Jason Upton "In the Silence"

During the week, God has really tugged at my heart. He has spoken through the silence, by showing me my deepest need: Him; and I can't run or hide from it. My only hope is to run into His arms and find His strenghth. So now as I'm writing this out, I find a certain peace in the quiet.